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status(23APR17): i need darlwis right now

recent update :
it's been a long day
written on Sunday, October 2, 2016 @ 1:52 PM ✈

its been a long time since the last time i've been posted my last entry in this blog & today i need to write something because i have nobody to share my stories. it's 3:48 in the morning & i'm still here, sharing with u... about something that make me sad and disapointed. to be honest, this is the 3rd time i've been repeating the same writting on this entry because the last 2 time i've use my phone and it's too easy to "turn to the back page" so all the writting is all gone like "baaaam". ughh but nevermind, i'm still going to re-write it all over again.

1st, tomorrow is our 4 years 10 month monthsarry celebration, it's cool right? but just now. something pretty bad happen and i've decided to post an entry because i remember he said "sayang it's been a long time u didn't posted anything about me or atleast about us on your blog. why sayang? i like to read it." and i'm just "oh sorry got no time to blogging lah, later i'll do okay?" and now i'm gonna write (share) something here.

            back to the topic, tomorrow is our monthasrry celebration and just know something that make my heart break into pieces happen. to be honest, he's changed. he's changing a lot lately, i mean after he's kerap joining "that group" event or always lepak lepak together, he's totally changed & i'm pretty sad about that. i don't know if i'm the punca but since he kerap joining "their" event or lepak, he's gone wild. i'm sure that i'm not make a tuduhan or what. i've seen it with my own eyes, and we're so close together. why can't i feel the "bad feeling" about this at the first place? he's my half, i know him. he's not like that before.

        he said "u don't have to take care of me anymore, i know what i'm doing, i know what i'm going to be later, it's all my decision" and he ask me to leave just like that. just because "he know that he's changing a lot" that's why he told me that. i don't  know why  but it makes me saddeesstt (cry all night until all my face getting bengkak) that kind of feeling. i'm sure u can't imagine that feeling that i felt just now. it's freaking me out. it seems like he's totally mean it, he's like asking me to leave and never ever disturb him anymore. what in this world i can do that shit? no! than, i'm crying untill i can't feel my lips (cry hard)

         after that, i keep asking him why he told me like that, why he did that to me, what i'm doing wrong to him, just tell me. don't leave me hanging (very sad face) and he never reply me after that (until now). that time (friday night untill tday) i'm totally get mad, of course i am. he didnt reply my whatsapp, he didn't contact me all day, he didn't answer my calls. he turn off the location that we ALWAYS share. suddenly all things get into the silent mode (no responds at all)

        yes i'm mad at him at the first place, but i know he knew that i'm not going to be mad untill forever. but????? he still ignoring me, he seems like "okay" without me for a long time. and trust me, i never cried untill tonight, after he said that. i just can't hold my tears anymore. for a longggg day, he's not with me, and i miss him so much. like sooooo much, why he has to said that to me? what i did wrong? he never tell me (i'm like crying right now, haish ada yang basah laptop ni), he just told me that "sayang i love u so much, i miss u so much" but i know he didn't mean it. i can feel it in my bones i swear (i swear, i swear guys) and then, he didnt reply my whatsapp, until that night (before he said that saddest thing to me) he lepak and i'm sure he's with "that friends".

       wallahi, lillahitaala i'm not going to stop him if he wanted to get closer with "them" but i want him to know that he's not like what "their" doing. he's not that bad, know him. i know u sayang (literally cried) i know him. but, after we fight a lot, i've told him about what his mother said to me and all nasihat that i've been told him. i don't know, he suddenly get angry and left me. just like that, nothing else. nothing.....


      to you sayang, please don't be like this. you know how much i love u, u know how much your ibu loves u, how much she has been worried about you. you know right? sayang, you know, that i got mad just because i love you and i don't want you to be a budak nakal. if you said u already a bad person, u're totally wrong. and i'm not assuming that u're already a bad guy, totally not! u're just like a little kid that mudah terpengaruh. yes  sayang, tak salah to having some fun once in a while, but remember baby, u're my little peanut. u're your ibu's always little boy. we have to take a good care of you sometimes, all the time. we all love you sayang. we all do. that's why i need you here with me.

     i'm sorry for what i've done that maybe cause u to be like this. i didn't mean it at all sayang. i just want the best for you. for us. sayang please take a few seconds and think, there's no people out there that love u and ask u to do bad things that can cause negativity to u. i'm here to make sure that u're all safe and i want u to realize that u have a great potential in you sayang. sayang, i'm not gonna leave you, even IF  u're the worst thing ever happen in my life. and i want you to know that, you're not!

the reason why i love you:

  1. u can make other poeple happy even when you're not happy
  2. u willing to sacrifice even when u're at your lowest
  3. u love me when i can't even love my self
  4. u love your family and your family in number one for u
  5. u know what is resposibility
  6. u willing to do anything to make me happy
  7. u never berkira with me/other poeple
  8. u'll always be u when u're with me
  9. YOU. u are the reason itself why i love u some much
  10.  i can't live withour u and u know that

and if i only have last chance to say something to you, it'll be:

saya tak janji yang saya akan sayang awak sampai akhir hayat awak, tapi saya janji yang saya akan menyayangi awak sepenuh hati saya sehingga akhir hayat saya.

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